Three Brazilian solderiers killed (joke)

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying, "And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" Mr. Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this sudden outward display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands, almost sobbing.
Finally, the president looks up and asks, "Just how many is a brazillion, anyway?"

Terror alert level raised

As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is "General Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert:

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdain" to "Dress in unform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels: "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe, the Americans have gone from "Isolationism" to "Find another oil-rich nation for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack random countries (ideally those without any credible military)" and "Beg the British for help".

The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.
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Mcdonell-Douglas Aircraft Warranty Card

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World's Shortest Fairytale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "NO!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.