Martha Stewart Living

A little lemon and seltzer will remove those pesky ink stains
after you've been fingerprinted.
---Martha Stewart

I'm addicted to placebos. I'd give them up, but it wouldn'
make any difference.
---Steven Wright

An oldie but goodie - Deductive Reasoning for the Masses

Man: "Hi there new neighbor, it sure is a mighty nice day to
be moving."

Neighbor: "Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely
friendly."

Man: "So what is you do for a living?"

Neighbor: "I am a professor at the University, I teach
deductive reasoning."

Man: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?"

Neighbor: "Let me give you an example. I see you have a dog
house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog."

Man: "That is right."

Neighbor: "The fact you have a dog, leads me to deduce that
you have a family."

Man: "Right again."

Neighbor: "Since you have a family I deduce that you have
a wife."

Man: "Correct."

Neighbor: "And since you have a wife I can deduce that you
are heterosexual."

Man: "Yup."

Neighbor: "That is deductive reasoning."

Man: "Cool."

Later that same day...

Man: "Hey I was talking to that new guy who moved in next
door."

Neighbor2: "Is he a nice guy?"

Man: "Yes, and he has an interesting job."

Neighbor2: "Oh, yeah what does he do?"

Man: "He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the
University."

Neighbor2: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?"

Man: "Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?"

Neighbor 2: "No."

Man: "Homo."



"I plan to vote a Republican ticket this year. The Democrats
have left a bad taste in my mouth.
---Monica Lewinsky


**

A little Olympic Humor

Athletes staying at the Olympic village have been told to
dispose of their syringes more carefully after two janitors
suffered needle stick injuries...

..On the bright side, the janitors grew to 6'8" and 320 pounds.